2013년 11월 26일 화요일

About 'bay west family health care'|... than by ancestral folk origin Thus the character of our West Country families was being altered in a variety of ways by their...







About 'bay west family health care'|... than by ancestral folk origin Thus the character of our West Country families was being altered in a variety of ways by their...








               Some               memories               of               that               Tuesday               in               September               five               years               ago               are               crystal               clear.

Other               memories               have               been               reduced               to               so               much               rubble               by               the               events               of               that               day.

What               I               remember               first               is               that               September               11               started               out               for               me               as               a               perfectly               normal               day.

While               others               on               the               west               coast               still               slept               and               then               later               awoke               to               the               dreadful               news               of               the               attacks,               I               was               driving               to               work               early               that               morning.

My               company's               customer               service               center               opened               for               operations               at               6:00               am,               and               as               a               manager,               I               was               timing               my               arrival               for               just               before               that               time.

I               listened               to               the               news               on               my               way               to               work               as               I               often               did               but               my               memory               isn't               good               enough               to               be               able               to               tell               you               today               what               it               was               that               I               heard               -               standard               NPR               fare,               I               suppose;               there               was               nothing               yet               about               the               New               York               World               Trade               Center               or               the               attack               that               was               to               come.
               I               also               couldn't               tell               you               any               of               the               thoughts               that               crossed               my               mind               except               perhaps               that               I               might               have               wondered               how               my               parents'               flight               to               New               York               had               gone               the               day               before               and               if               their               ability               to               travel               a               day               early               would               enable               them               to               meet               the               friends               they               were               hoping               to               see               for               lunch               that               day               in               Manhattan.

I               probably               wondered               what               time               later               that               day               my               other               parents               would               be               returning               from               Richmond,               Virginia,               and               if               it               would               be               early               enough               to               be               able               to               invite               them               for               dinner.

I'm               sure               it               didn't               occur               to               me               to               wonder               then               if               they               were               leaving               from               Dulles               International               or               Reagan               National.

It               simply               didn't               matter               at               the               time.
               The               day               was               already               beautiful               -               the               sun               rising               behind               me               as               I               drove               westward               under               a               clear               autumn               sky               -               and               traffic               was               lighter               than               usual,               even               for               so               early               in               the               morning.

I               was               able               to               park               by               5:45,               glad               to               be               on               time               and               feeling               light-hearted               about               the               day;               perhaps               I               even               wondered               how               I               might               be               able               to               help               my               teams               take               advantage               of               the               nice               weather               amidst               their               other               work               duties.

As               I               approached               the               back               door               of               the               building,               I               noticed               two               of               my               team               members               outside               enjoying               a               smoking               break               before               hitting               the               phones.

It               was               approximately               5:50               AM,               September               11,               2001.
               As               I               drew               closer,               one               spoke               up,               "Did               you               hear               about               the               World               Trade               Center?"               Although               I'd               been               listening               to               the               news,               there'd               been               nothing               unusual,               nothing               about               the               World               Trade               Center.

I               shrugged               my               shoulders               assuming               what               I               heard               next               would               be               a               punch               line               of               some               joke;               "Hear               what?"               "An               airplane               hit               the               World               Trade               Center."               Now,               that               I               would               have               heard;               clearly               it               must               be               some               kind               of               a               joke.

I               continued               to               wait               for               the               punch               line.

"No,               really               -               just               now,               an               airplane               hit               the               World               Trade               Center."
               The               World               Trade               Center               hit               by               an               airplane?

It               didn't               sound               possible.

Still               thinking               it               must               be               a               prank               somehow,               I               went               indoors               with               the               guys               and               bounded               up               the               stairs,               figuring               I'd               check               online               and               get               it               all               sorted               out               in               time               to               make               sure               they               were               on               the               phones               as               scheduled.

I               logged               on               to               my               computer               and               brought               up               the               CNN               website               and               was               immediately               horrified               to               learn               that               the               news               was               indeed               true;               a               plane               had               hit               the               north               tower               of               the               World               Trade               Center.

Worse,               it               wasn't               just               a               small               plane               as               I'd               first               guessed.

The               sketchy               details               described               a               passenger               jet               with               a               great               many               people               aboard               hitting               the               World               Trade               Center,               though               it               was               still               too               early               to               assess               what               had               caused               the               incident.

No               one               knew               anything               yet               about               it               being               a               hijacking,               let               alone               a               purposeful               attack.

I               felt               a               clutch               in               my               stomach               but               assumed               it               was               all               a               tragic               accident.

I               worked               on               finding               something               useful               to               do               to               avoid               feeling               sick.
               My               first               thought               was               that               we               needed               better               information               so               that               I               could               keep               employees               informed               and               hopefully               less               distracted               from               their               work.

I               grabbed               an               old               television               from               the               employee               workout               room               and               hauled               it               to               a               cubicle               near               my               desk.

The               rabbit-ears               antenna               was               nearly               useless               but               eventually               we               managed               to               improve               the               picture               well               enough               for               one               local               station               that               we               could               begin               to               make               out               the               images               on               the               screen               amidst               the               static.

As               the               picture               cleared,               we               were               able               to               catch               the               live               news               coverage               of               smoke               billowing               out               of               the               north               tower               just               as               the               south               tower               of               the               World               Trade               Center               was               struck               by               the               second               jet.

I               was               dumbfounded;               I               could               scarcely               even               believe               what               I'd               just               seen.

Then               there               was               the               realization               -               twice               in               one               morning               meant               it               was               no               accident.

Watching               it               happen               live               and               simultaneously               realizing               the               implications,               that               this               had               to               have               been               some               kind               of               coordinated               attack,               I               felt               as               if               I'd               been               kicked               in               the               stomach.

My               mind               raced               and               then               shifted               gears               once               again               to               begin               assessing               what               our               own               risks               might               be,               should               the               west               coast               be               targeted               too.
               My               first               phone               calls               were               to               my               boss               since               I               was               the               only               manager               on               site               at               work,               and               to               my               husband               since               he               would               soon               be               readying               our               son               for               school               and               making               his               way               to               one               of               the               taller               buildings               in               Seattle.

My               concern               was               for               our               business               operations               and               also               for               my               husband               since               if               there               were               attacks               here,               he               might               be               close               to               one               of               the               more               likely               targets               in               our               area.

I               started               coordinating               contingency               plans               for               work               and               for               family               and               tried               vainly               to               keep               myself               as               well               as               employees               focused               on               work.

It               turned               out               to               be               an               unnecessary               effort:               very               few               people               cared               to               call               in               for               support               that               day,               especially               after               we               all               saw               the               towers               unexpectedly               collapse               on               live               television               from               terrorist               attack.
               As               my               work               duties               became               less               demanding,               my               attention               turned               to               my               parents;               first               I               was               thankful               my               father's               plans               had               changed               and               they'd               flown               back               east               a               day               early.

Then               I               wondered               if               they               would               have               still               been               in               New               Jersey               at               that               hour               of               the               morning               or               if               they               might               have               already               made               their               way               into               Manhattan.

When               I               heard               about               the               third               plane               hitting               the               Pentagon,               I               began               to               worry               about               what               time               and               from               which               airport               my               mother               and               her               husband               had               been               scheduled               to               leave               Washington.

Then               there               was               the               news               of               Flight               93               crashing               in               rural               Pennsylvania               just               outside               of               Pittsburgh               -               wasn't               that               close               to               where               my               sister               and               her               in-laws               have               one               of               their               stores               and               their               second               home?

In               a               way,               I               was               glad               that               there               was               so               much               still               for               me               to               do               at               work               because               it               helped               me               keep               my               own               concerns               at               bay.

The               days'               events               in               New               York,               Pennsylvania,               and               Washington               were               so               distant               physically               and               yet               near               enough               emotionally               to               be               disorienting.

It               felt               surreal.
               At               the               end               of               a               long               day,               I               picked               up               our               son               from               school               and               headed               home,               hugging               him               close               and               wondering               about               the               rest               of               my               family.

Almost               everyone               closest               to               us               was               sufficiently               close               to               danger               to               make               me               feel               a               bit               like               holding               my               breath,               hoping               they               were               all               okay               and               thinking               they               should               be,               but               afraid               to               assume               it.

Slowly               the               news               started               filtering               in               and               by               nightfall,               I               knew               everyone               was               safe.

My               father               and               his               wife               were               indeed               still               at               her               parents               that               morning               when               the               planes               hit               the               World               Trade               Center               towers               -               he               was               out               on               the               balcony               enjoying               the               pleasant               morning               when               he               noticed               the               billowing               smoke               and               then               heard               the               news               of               the               attack;               my               mother               and               her               husband               were               driving               from               Virginia               to               the               airport               for               a               midday               flight               when               they               heard               what               had               happened               at               the               Pentagon.

They               turned               around               and               headed               straight               back               to               Richmond               when               they               learned               that               flights               had               all               been               canceled.
               Days               later,               I               learned               that               Flight               93               actually               had               gone               down               near               to               where               my               sister's               family               spends               much               of               their               time               but               not               so               close               as               to               be               a               real               threat               other               than               to               peace               of               mind.

Everyone               who'd               been               traveling               dug               in               and               began               to               make               interim               plans               once               they               realized               that               it               would               be               a               while               before               air               travel               would               be               restored.

Friends               in               Richmond               took               my               parents               in               until               they               could               begin               to               make               their               way               home               again.

Theirs               was               one               of               the               many               success               stories               amidst               the               tragedy;               friends               and               even               complete               strangers               reached               out               that               day               to               assist               many               stranded               travelers.

The               people               in               Gander,               Newfoundland               and               surrounding               areas               made               history               taking               on               a               huge               brunt               of               the               load               when               38               international               airplanes               with               a               total               of               nearly               7,000               people               aboard               were               diverted               to               that               tiny               town               for               the               better               part               of               a               week               because               they               had               nowhere               else               to               go.

Other               travelers               banded               together               and               rented               cars               for               cross-country               treks,               not               knowing               for               sure               how               long               it               would               take               to               get               home               otherwise.

At               home,               I               began               to               equate               the               quiet               skies               with               the               absence               of               family.

I               felt               terribly               isolated               at               a               time               when               it               seemed               like               an               entire               nations'               first               impulse               was               to               reach               out               for               loved               ones.

When               the               airplanes               were               finally               allowed               back               into               the               air,               I               cried               the               first               time               I               heard               one               flying               overhead.
               It               took               nearly               a               week               for               the               first               set               of               parents               to               return               and               then               another               week               to               have               everyone               home               again               and               begin               feeling               like               life               might               return               to               normal.

It               took               longer               for               the               members               of               my               teams               to               find               their               own               way               back               to               normal.

Some               never               really               did;               the               attack               came               so               close               on               the               heels               of               a               major               earthquake               we'd               experienced               earlier               in               the               year               and               was               itself               followed               soon               after               by               the               anthrax               scare               later               that               autumn               that               at               least               one               person               seriously               struggled               to               regain               perspective               and               others               seemed               a               bit               on               edge               too               for               quite               some               time.

What               I               came               to               realize               was               that               even               distant               exposure               to               trauma               can               have               a               powerful               impact               that               can               seem               from               the               outside               to               go               beyond               reason.

Psychologists               have               several               terms               for               this               phenomenon:               vicarious               trauma               (or               indirect               or               secondary               trauma),               compassion               fatigue,               and               empathetic               strain.

There               is               no               such               thing               as               one               person's               pain               being               more               justified               than               another's,               even               when               reasonable               minds               might               agree               that               some               people               suffered               far               greater               losses               than               others               that               day.

We               all               suffered               a               loss               of               innocence               that               might               never               be               fully               restored.
               Five               years               later,               I               see               that               we've               healed               some               of               our               wounds               from               September               11,               but               not               all.

We're               less               skittish               perhaps               (at               least               while               things               seem               to               be               normal)               but               we               haven't               necessarily               learned               much               that's               truly               helpful               since               then               and               we're               just               that               much               more               sensitive               to               new               reports               of               terrorist               threats.

In               the               days               and               weeks               following               September               11,               there               was               a               closeness               that               developed               between               us,               a               bonding,               caused               by               a               shared               experience.

What               I               see               now               is               that               we've               replaced               that               with               a               greater               suspicion               of               our               neighbors.

We               came               together               for               a               brief               period               of               time,               resolved               to               help               one               another               and               to               do               what's               right               -               whatever               that               might               be               -               but               it               didn't               always               last.

The               fear               of               vulnerability               seems               to               have               been               far               more               enduring.
               In               the               early               post-9/11               days,               I               sensed               a               strength               and               fortitude               backing               a               strong               will               to               overcome               the               pain               we'd               all               experienced               together.

Today               I               sense               only               more               fear               and               the               kind               of               obstinacy               that               is               meant               to               cover               up               fear               that               we               don't               care               to               admit               exists.

While               I               would               have               liked               for               us               to               have               held               onto               that               earlier               unity               of               spirit               for               a               bit               longer,               I               do               remain               hopeful               that               we               can               recapture               it               once               again.

Hopefully               it               won't               take               another               major               disaster               to               get               back               what               was               positive               about               this               one.

And               regardless               of               whether               we               are               more               or               less               vulnerable               today               than               we               were               that               terrible               Tuesday               of               five               years               ago,               I               believe               that               it               is               possible               -               our               responsibility,               even               -               to               find               a               strength               together               and               within               ourselves               to               push               away               the               fear               that               terrorists               mean               to               cause.

Embracing               hope               and               unity               in               the               face               of               fear               will               be               our               victory,               one               we'll               be               proud               to               pass               on               to               our               children.






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